Summary:

Godzilla and Kong forge an unexpected alliance when an ancient Titan resurfaces and threatens to destroy both Hollow Earth and the surface world.

Review:

I’d wave a white flag of surrender if one of “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire’s” harsher critics bemoaned it for being as hollow as the second Earth impossibly existing beneath our planet’s surface. The movie is noisy, silly, and would basically be a CGI cartoon if not for intermittent live-action sequences actually shot with a physical camera. Then I’d kindly counter that “Godzilla x Kong” is also flashy, fun, and ten-year-old me would have dug the absolute hell out of it if the film had been in the regular rotation of campy kaiju movies I gleefully grew up with on Saturday afternoon TV.

Like “Godzilla vs. Kong” (review here) before it, “Godzilla x Kong” barely has a story to speak of, maybe even less of one than its predecessor. The setup simply boils down to: an ancient ape who rides a Titan capable of bringing about a new Ice Age awakens in Hollow Earth, and Kong and Godzilla have to come together to stop them from destroying the surface world. A couple of incidental events occur along the way, like Kong adopting a pint-sized (to him) sidekick and some mythology about Mothra. There’s even a faint emotional through-line linking Kong and Jia, two displaced Skull Island natives who believe they are the last of their kinds, encountering difficulties adjusting to new homes. Really though, and not unexpectedly, “Godzilla x Kong” only connects essential points on its thin plotline so monster mayhem has minimal obstacles to smash through.

Also like “Godzilla vs. Kong,” the human characters in “Godzilla x Kong” essentially operate as narrators who only exist to explain things to the audience since the creatures can’t speak. These humans have minimal direct interaction with Kong, and none whatsoever with Godzilla, unless you count a few hapless fighter jets that futilely try to prevent Godzilla from absorbing radiation at a French nuclear facility.

If I’m being unabashedly honest, I didn’t even realize Rebecca Hall’s character, Monarch researcher Dr. Ilene Andrews, carried over from “Godzilla vs. Kong.” I didn’t remember that Brian Tyree Henry’s conspiracy theorist Bernie Hayes was a returning character either, until I reread the synopsis I wrote for the preceding entry and an “Oh yeah, him” finally clicked for me.

My critics can claim I’m either stupid or forgetful, but I contend the evaporation of those characters from my memory says more about how ultimately inconsequential they really were to what went on in that movie. As for what they and their companions do in “Godzilla x Kong,” I ended up deleting most of the notes I wrote for the new synopsis regarding what the humans were up to while the monsters were monstering, because almost none of it impacted anything important at all. While Hall mostly moves exposition along through her dialogue, Henry and Dan Stevens play their parts with winks in their eyes for comic relief that keeps the spirit light, and that’s about it.

For a popcorn-munching movie like this though, what’s more important are the colossal creatures, and “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” does not disappoint in that department. Over the course of the movie, the two Titans embark on a globe-spanning adventure that serves as an excuse to see these big beasts battle in epic fashion in locations as iconic as they are. Godzilla’s tail spanks ancient structures in Rome before Big G sleeps like a baby inside the comfy Colosseum. Kong and Godzilla suplex each other into Egyptian pyramids. Then there’s a climactic confrontation that takes place beneath the outstretched arms of the Jesus statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Somehow, the Hollow Earth portals all lead to gorgeous locales where the film’s crew undoubtedly enjoyed their time off, instead of places like Ypsilanti, Michigan, but Godzilla and Kong know how to put on marquee matchups regardless of where their ring is.

Anyone who thinks Kong’s cybernetic power arm is too clownish of an inclusion to be believable isn’t considering Minilla, Godzooky, the Mothra twins, and every other element of absurdity that’s been part of Godzilla lore throughout 70+ years of media. Grounded human drama can be found in the “Monarch: Legacy of Monsters” TV series. Toho’s modern Japanese films continue to double as contemplative social allegories. Meanwhile, these MonsterVerse movies are where fans can find the spectacle of giant monsters just beating the snot out of each other.

Pick what you want to put on your plate. I for one am thankful there are multiple menu items for everyone to enjoy, and I’ll gladly wolf down the cavity-causing junk food “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” entertainingly sloshes out with its ludicrously conceived ladle.

Review Score: 70